"For what do we live, but to make sport of our neighbors and laught at them in our turn." -Mr. Bennett

I love laughing.  I love how happy it makes me; but most of all I love laughing with other people.  Life has been good and busy lately, but it has been remarkably good and I know laughter has a wonderful role in making that come to pass. 

My new job keeps me on my feet and I think that for the most part it is always worth it to be busy.  The snow has come in abundance as of late, and I couldn't be more happy.  I am somewhat worried about driving back and forth to Porter's, but it should be ok.

In Mission Prep we had a wonderful lecture about Journal writing and reading to make oneself a better person.  I know I have a lot of faults that I need to work on and I really need to be better about extracting those faults so my future "person" can see me for what I am trying to be.

I am confused though. Big life decisions seem to linger in the back of my head and I have such contradictory evidence as to not find either choices as guilty.  Maybe its time I just stop thinking and worry about such ideals and be myself?  Good advice, I think.

So excited for Valentines Day.  I had a really great bright idea that I am excited to put into action.  We will see how it goes.

For now, I encourage you all to take a laugh.  Maybe not at your neighbors, but most definitely with someone you love.

I never could be so happy as you. Till I have your disposition, your goodness, I never can have your happiness. No, no, let me shift for myself." Mr. Darcy

I feel so much better than I did Sunday.  Maybe it was the adoption, maybe it was just my feelings, but nonetheless I feel better. 

It is official, Gary has adopted me and I have taken his last name to signify he is my father.  My parents laugh a little, for I chose to also keep my other name-Bates, making my full name Jessa Christine Bates-Pyne.  I love it.  It shows everything about me.  Every syllable represents so many different memories.  Old ones and new ones that have yet to be made.  Only one more name to go before I will stop changing my name... one more!

In other news I started my new job this week.  I am grateful to be on such a wonderful team.  Heavenly Father has most definitely blessed me.  Monday was a free day, and I went Snow shoeing with my best friend.  He is so good to me, how he is in my life still I fail to see, but as long as he is being helplessly foolish I won't inform him!

I am slightly worried about balancing everything.  And about next year... what about scholarships, what about money, what about mission?  I suppose I am just in the same boat as everyone else around this time... classes have set in and I am ready to be done... ALREADY.

Lately it has been hard to feel anything. I do not know why this is. Some months or periods of my life I feel so much.  Right now I do not feel anything, no severe ups or downs.  I like and I do not like.  Emotions over change or love cease to make me want to do anything.  I do not know if this is complacency or just a period of my life  I hope it is neither.  The ability to feel has always been when I have strengthened my testimony. I have always heard that you are either loosing your testimony or gaining it, I do not know where I am at.  I feel like I am doing everything right, so maybe it is that I am gaining it but not realizing it?  Something I will have to think about I suppose.

P.S.: what a great quote from P+P

“How despicably I have acted!" she cried; "I, who have prided myself on my discernment." -Lizzie

I have had such a great day, I was busy to be sure... but my day was good.  Then it hit me.  I was suddenly blatantly and completely upset. My emotional swing was dramatic within itself.  I felt crazy.  Not in a good way.  I wonder if other girls feel this way, a sudden mind altering change that has you walking away from the people you enjoy. 

“How despicably I have acted!"I feel lost but lost with a purpose.  Maybe I am just nervous about what is to come.  I have been blessed beyond belief, but I worry that my new schedule might leave me to suddenly give less to the things currently in my life.  Will things stay the same if I am not making a 300% effort?

Hard to say..."I, who have prided myself on my discernment" have found myself wondering if I have made any wise decisions as of late.

In other news all of my friends received their mission calls!  My best friend is going to Washington.  I am so proud of her and her willingness to serve.  Her influence has made a grand impression upon my life and I strive to be more faithful like her.

Family is good, and roommates are wonderful like usual.  I have a new roommate, Gema.. she is wonderful and bright.  Her smile brightens my day!

I really am so blessed to have the Gospel in my life.  I have not been hard on myself lately about getting into a good place.  I know with surety I need to be better. What I am giving is simply not good enough, and the left over needs to be better!  Hopefully balance will come again, and I can dispel these terrible feelings!

“A girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then. It is something to think of” -Mr. Bennett

Crossed in love? Maybe not. Revolutionizing the positive thought process and creating wonderfully happy days for myself?  Yes!  Life has been so good to me lately, I am so surprised and grateful to have the Gospel in my life, every day it makes me feel so safe and happy.  So grateful to know the truth and going to a school where everyone else does to!

It is amazing how people come into your life and suddenly make everything else seem dull in comparison.  I have noticed this with my best friends, whenever I am around them I feel like the whole world has reawakened and my spirit is swollen with pure delight. They are so wonderful to me!  My roommates (I just got a new one, her name is Gema, she is so sweet!) are the best.  They always make me smile, especially Julie when she wants "Julie-Jessa time."  Lydia is someone I can always count on, I have classes with her this semester and it is a pure delight to have her as a companion by my side. Last but not least is my "new best friend,"  He is so awesome.  I want to grow up to be big and strong like him someday!  My family is also so supportive... This is the picture we texted on all morning.  Only people like us find the true humor involved:

My classes are going pretty good, the real test will be staying awake for my Poli Sci class. It is a wonderful class but unfortunately falls right after lunch, leaving me in a warm room with perfectly content feelings. 

So glad to be in such a great place! 

"Keep your breath to cool your porridge and I will keep mine to swell my song." -Lizzie

School is here and it is here to stay.  Life has been fantastic!  Last night I played a wonderful game of kissing rugby.  The scenario was indescribable and quite funny... Ask me about it some day, for I do not think I can even go through with writing about it.  I have grown to love the majority of my classes (even for so short a time).  There are only two that I only semi don't enjoy... ECON and POLY SCI. The latter is a surprise, since I do love politics, I just don't care for everyone else's opinion.  I guess I have some of my own ethnocentrism, but seriously keep your breath for you porridge...

In other news I have a job interview today for a public relations/ comms job.  It will be an interesting interview considering I applied in late November.  So come what may.  I dropped my law lecture series class, it was completely boring and needed more work then I cared to put in.  Besides, I have been exploring other wonderful options.  I found a masters programs for book archivests, especially law archivests.  I can't think of anything that sounds more perfect.  I await my next few years and I am excited to see where the Lord will take me. 

Lately I have been very..... social? I am trying to be a nice person, you know, one of those people who isn't fake.  I worry that I come off to intimidating, and I loose opportunities to befriend those who are quieter.  I want to have connections with people that way, if the Lord needs me, I am there.  I am so grateful to have a spiritual center. 

Hope life is good for everyone out there.  The form of blogs only allows me a brief amount of words and insight into who and where my blog is being read, but I pray whoever is reading it is having a good day.

"We were all there, dear." -Mr. Bennett

School has started and classes seem to be looking pretty great.  I will be busy!  It will be nice since I thrive under busy.  I have had a lot on my mind, and I keep reminding myself that no one wants to hear my inter-monologue, after all " we were all there." And that sums up the end of that.

I had a super awesome experience last night where I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly.  It is not simply enough to feel the spirit, but to give way to let it guide and dictate.  Even when an answer is given that you do not necessarily like.  So grateful for the church in my life and the blessings it brings to me.

I have been trying to cook more, to produce something that doesn't give food poisoning.  I think I did alright last night, still not completely a success, but maybe by some means I am getting to that point?

It is incredibly cold in Provo and it can't stop reminding me of childhood memories of Heber all those years ago.  I remember playing endlessly in the snow, the snow being as deep as I was tall!  What happy memories and wonderful feelings were felt that made my world.  I especially remember building snow forts at school, the likes of which I thought could never be brought down.  Snow also represented an increased book selection since some recesses were too cold to play.  I think this is where my love of books started!

I have a new calling.  SHHH!  It's not official but I am glad to be in the service once again.  It gives me a reason to ask for more blessings.

People do not *die* of colds. - Mrs. Bennett

Its true.  People don't die of colds.  Perchance they may die of too many people, or being uncomfortable, or maybe a pleathera of different personality traits.  Either way the concept of *dying* of colds in pursuit of a single desire is somewhat enchanting... To want something so bad that you subject yourself to near death, what an interesting idea.

I am starting to grasp the root of this concept.  School is starting and I want nothing more than to succeed, to have an easy semester and not have any trials.  That is a little too much to ask for, I think.  The only reason I bring this up was due to my day at Church.  Church was awesome.  In R.S we listened to the Bishop who talked on trials, specifically how there will be parts of one's life that seem unbearable, but that Christ has paid the ultimate sin and covers all of our fears.  This made me think, worry really, that my new trial is coming.  That it is time for me to learn once again. But it is ok, I know it will all work out!

I did not end up getting the job.  That's ok.  It just proves that the guy upstairs knows more about my future plans then I do.  In other news I am so happy to be in Provo. 

Good luck to everyone who starts school and has new beginnings! 

Oreo Cookies!

What I am making today... not exactly exemplary vegetables but who cares!

1 (18 oz) box Devils Food Cake mix 

2 eggs

1/2 c. Vegetable Oil

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large bowl, mix together all of the ingredients; it will form a thick dough. Roll dough into 2 inch balls and place onto an un-greased cookie sheet. (If you think it's too sticky, just refrigerate for about 30 minutes).  Gently press down on dough to flatten slightly. Bake for 8-9 minutes. (They won't seem done, but they are!)  Remove from oven and let completely cool on the cookie sheet.

CREAM CHEESE FILLING 

4 oz Cream Cheese, softened

2 Tb. Butter, softened

1/2 Tsp. Vanilla 

2 c. Powdered Sugar

In a medium bowl, beat together the cream cheese, butter and vanilla with a hand mixer until well mixed. Slowly beat in the powdered sugar until smooth. 

Frost one oreo with desired amount of filling, top with a second cookie.

Store cookies in an air-tight container in the refrigerator.

“It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.” -Mr. Collins

Happy New Year!  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.  School is right around the corner and many changes are about to come.  I want some what to revert to Sheldon form and make faces and frowns at all the changes that are around the corner, but I can't help feeling so grateful for being in such a wonderful place.  So come what may, I want to find joy in the journey! 

I find out tomorrow at the job I applied for.  If I do get the job I will be mixing my schedule around and picking up a couple of law classes.  This fills me with many confusing feelings for I very much so want to do law, but alas I know not how it will fit into my future plans.  We will see I guess!

My break has been packed with wonderful family time, which is good since we go to court on the 23rd for the adoption.  For New Years we went to my grandmothers in Heber.  The drive down the canyon was amazing!  That canyon will always have a place in my heart. Biff came and did some fireworks for us afterwords which was pretty cool! 

I have some New Years resolutions... who knows if I will stick to them but I sure want to try!
1.  Learn how to be a better cook... make an effort!   Pretty much any effort past my usual will be a win.
2.  Learn more about photography.  I would love to read a book, or simply just learn about the elements of it.
3.  Work out once a week.  YES ONCE. I am in college!  This will be challenge enough i think. 

2012 has been a wonderful year for my testimony and my Love for the Gospel.  So grateful that one person paid the ultimate price to get to know me.  Where ever life takes me, I pray I can be an instrument in his hands.