"I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced.”-E. Bennett 

Tonight I went to my Mother's Boss's work party.  It was a family party, well kinda, except for the drinks (there were lots ok?) but it was actually a good party (kinda). I was able to catch up with an old friend, it was good.

Something I finally realized,"I had suspected it for some time but now I am convinced."  The final quality of myself, a huge understatement of a part of my life, something I could have/never understood.   I figured it out.  Well kinda (hahaha).

I have always wanted an adventure.  I was always torn between the life I wanted to live and the life I was probably going to live/ the most women in my culture live.  I have wanted to give everything to my kids, but have a part of me.  I battled with how I would do this.  And I figured it out.  I don't have to sacrifice to live that way,  I just need to marry someone who wants that to.  Who wants to give everything to our kids by being the best us, by waiting... years maybe.  By traveling, by being dirt poor to go to school, by sacrificing sleep to be healthy.  I have never thought of it that way, I have always thought if I married within the culture I would suffer this, but it is not so.  Maybe it is a little sad that I am just figuring that out now, but its settled.  I want an adventure and I want to be me.  Whether that be with someone or not so be it.  I shouldn't be so hung up and displaced on everything.  Good ephiphany.

In other news my face is still bruised and swollen.  Maybe by some miracle I will look normal for pictures on Christmas.  Life has been seamless, still even.  Virtually peaceful (except for work).  So grateful to have family around Christmas.