"There has been many a one, I fancy, overcome in the same way." Elizabeth

After a very long, slow, day at work I am taking the time to write my philosophical happenings.  It really was quite a day.

My Boss, and owner of Porter's Place, talked about stories and the church today.  We fumbled upon the subject after I asked him what he will do with the business after he is gone.. who will take over?    His answer surprised me, since it wasn't so much about the money, the people,  or the entertainment- but simply about a story, Porter Rockwell's story.  He talked about the effort he wanted to take to preserve this story, the legacy of this church figure.  Our little restaurant is almost the last outpost for the history, the little place of knowledge.   In the midst of this little place of knowledge there are crevices and cracks.  Fallacies, that lead to an almost incomplete glorification.  For example, the night before Joseph Smith died he had a drink of wine.  Porter, also, killed several men.  In my mind this is all ok, they were human as well.  Both figures were flawed in many of the same ways we are today.

And yet somehow, at the end of the day, they are glorified.  Written in history books as great and noble men.  They are perfect.  But the facts as previously stated point otherwise.  How does one reconcile both observations and facts into one coherent idea?

This led me to think of my testimony.  Many times we hear over the pulpit and in classrooms that Joseph Smith was a true prophet.  That he restored the Church, that he was noble and select.  All these things are true, yet I think the connotation behind them is not, especially over the pulpit.  It's not so much that Joseph Smith was great as much as it is the fact that he restored God's church.  That GOD had the power and the ability to use Joseph to accomplish his works.  I guess in my mind I had always heard it as a direct compliment to Joseph, when in reality the flawed Joseph was never the beneficiary.

In context, flaws are a complete part of human temperament.  They are present in the absence of true Heaven.  I guess when this hit me, I started thinking of all the worried and squimish decisions I have been trying to make lately. How over and over again I have been trying to make choice that are more about me then they are about God.  You see, I realized it doesn't matter which decision I make as long as the decision leaves me the ability to serve God.   I am flawed and there is no possible decision I can make that would lift me up when it comes to only my glory.  NOT ONE.  I need God, and through that, no matter what, it will all work out.

 This attempted blog post is pretty much a complete failure, but to me it makes sense.
 

“And what am I to do on the occasion? -- It seems an hopeless business.”

Sorry it has been so long!  I have been spending my time writing my missionaries instead of blogging.  It hasn't helped that life has been so crazy, but thats ok since I love the busy-ness. My calling is great, and it keeps me really busy.  I always feel like I could do more, but trying to not fail out of statistics, organ, and IHUM while working two jobs doesn't exactly pan out to being the easiest.  

I have been doing  a lot of thinking on compatibility (hence the quote for today).   I realized as I was up at the Cabin that there only needs to be a couple of major differences to lead to failing relationships.  I also realized that due to random chance (or maybe not so random) that no one can really gage what is going on inside.  For example, I feel like I am a complete train wreck.  I feel bamboozeled and silly, and yet guys still seem to flirt and ask me on dates.  WHY? I feel like I have a big sign written on my head screaming-- "I'm a complete basket case! Can't you see???"

I only have a couple more weeks before spring semester is over.  It can't come quick enough if you ask me.   I just have to survive. Come this fall I will be a senior! I have been looking at my opportunities to expand my resume and get me into grad school (I don't think my grades are going to cut it..).  Thus, as soon as class ends I am going to go volunteer at the museum behind the Riv.  I also think I am going to sign a contract at the Riv.  I really want to room with Julie, but I don't think we can both find a place that works for both of us, its sad but it will be ok.  I am going to try and talk to the manager at the Riv. and see if I can get an RA job to cut down rent costs.  Three jobs might be a little much.. we will see.  I am also going to apply to the Washington Seminar because the humanities program has a freaking awesome scholarship to go.  I figure why not?

My parents are going to Seattle soon and I am bummed out that I cannot go. If only they were going one week later.  ONE WEEK! I have not been feeling good as of late, I'm not really sure why, but I keep getting nasty headaches and have a hard time eating. Hopefully it will mellow out the less stress I encounter. 

I found this picture on pinterest with the quote attached, "You can live on the front row, or the third row, it is your choice."